Emo Thoughts That Don't Belong On The Facebooks: or, yet another example of giving up important stuff on a whim.

14 years ago, I blogged. every week, if not every day.  I was one of those people who had an HTML blog before someone sent me a link to a blogging CMS and then nothing could stop me from putting words out there.

Reviews of stuff I read/saw, mostly, written for people I never mentioned by name. 

I guess I wrote for my old roommate, at first - I would write as if she would hang on every word, poke every flaw, ask every question. She was my imaginary audience, long after we moved out and away, where she became a figment of my imagination, difficult to remember what phrasing to use to trigger each new, (but never truly experienced) response. 

I wrote song-prose about people I met, evenings that meant something to me, moments I didn’t want to forget, about the gestures I wish I had made in person. I wrote about dreams that felt like deja-vu, lies turned into wishes through the act of writing. 

and then, because someone close to me was embarrassed by something I wrote once, (and honestly, I can’t remember why they were embarrassed), I stopped. cold turkey. What’s worse is that due to the drama that caused me to stop, the part of my brain that was open and playful and wordy and emo and bullshit and permanently an annoying 20-something - that brain stagnated, darkened, hid. 

I didn’t let the words out and, in my mind, they grew unfit for human consumption. 

I miss that melancholy romantic and I’m hoping I can woo her back. Not the old roommate, that minx - I miss the woman who wrote for Marcy, for Sam, for Frank, for Griffin, for me. the girl who wrote like no one minded doing the research to figure out why something was funny (trust me, you’ll get there. it’s still funny). 

it’s not Facebook. 

it’s not twitter. 

It certainly isn’t TikTok or YouTube.

It might be a little bit of Instagram, but, to be honest -

That goofy girl who wrote for imaginary friends and to amuse her friends who sometimes remembered she had a blog?

That’s picturepicture. always has been.