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August 20, 2004
Tying Up Loose Ends: Draft One.
excerpts from actual e-mails in my eudora outbox.
that i haven't sent. for whatever reason.
god knows why I don't send them. it's not like I can't talk to these people....
1) I confess I did want to date the guy I thought you were. I fell fast and hard and fell out just as fast, just as hard. it's what I do. We had a great time. but we're friends now, and you just gotta get over yourself and know that when I call you up and bitch about my love life, you're supposed to listen and mock me into my normal cheerful state. Don't take me seriously, don't take it personally, don't throw it back in my face...You of all people should know that I gleefully (and regularly) put myself out there with hope and an open heart (and mind) and it's not surprising that I'd be gun shy right now. Dude. Be a Pal. Humor me. And trust that when I go for the hug at the end of the night, I won't try to stick my tongue down your throat.
2) okay, mister. you're incommunicado, all the way the hell out there in L.A. but fuck. I have got to say, it's kinda bringing me down that we left things SO unfinished when you left. I've called. I've written. I've emailed. I miss you. there. I said it. I miss the hell out of you. if you were here, you'd know exactly how much I've missed you. so. there. the stalking is over, continue with regularly scheduled friendship patterns.
3) I hardly know you, and at the same time, I've known you for nearly 20 years. There's a connection that can't be explained, a logic behind the friendship, but I wonder how often we'll have to hit flint to steel before we truly "spark"? what do you think, doll? shall we keep trying, or should we defer to the habits of an old friendship and find our flames elsewhere?
4) Listen - when I do a thousand dollar's worth of web work for your company and send you an invoice, the next step is YOU sending ME A CHEQUE, you FUCKING FUCK!!! Declaring a loss is NOT the same thing as BEING PAID.
5) ok, you seem perfect for me in a zillion ways, hon. You're tall, cute, a snappy dresser, creative, self-employed, well-versed in popular culture and unafraid of a quick-witted woman with great tits. You lisp like a sissy but snog like a gigolo. you call me sweetie and, well, I like it. but there's a calculated distance that, for once, I'm not calculating. I wish I cared enough to be compelled by the unavailability, to be sitting by the phone, waiting for your call, but I'm sorry to say I'm just happy to hear from you when schedule permits, and otherwise I seem find myself occupied with other things....
6) saw you on the morning news yesterday. scary, that you'd gotten out of bed before dawn for that silliness. you really need new representation, hon - if I were your PR lady, you would have brought eye-catching merchandise that actually showcases what your shop has to offer, not just the lightweight shit you can pick up yourself...and I would NEVER have let you babble for 2 whole minutes about the most boring sign on the planet when you have dozens of gorgeous windows and mantels and historically significant sullivan pieces to hawk. sheesh.
Posted by Heather at August 20, 2004 12:27 PM
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Comments
I particularly enjoyed #4 and think it ought not go waste. Send it!
Posted by: mxv at August 23, 2004 11:15 AM