July 29, 2004
so, I'm terribly happy right now.
drunken reflection #1: when you go see a band and you end up sitting too close to the stage to hear a damned thing other than boring band noise, don't tell your guitar-playing friend that he's the best in his row. he'll hurt you.
drunken reflection #2: the reason why it never works, for me, is that I can't get over the thought that I will inevitably hurt the person who chooses to be with me. and that this thought is terribly arrogant and pessimistic and doomed. and I simply must thank the boy of stupid over-involved and doomed three day dating cycle for making me realize that I've spent the last two years being just that goddamned arrogant, holding back because of self indulgent stupidity, rather than jumping in feet first and trusting that not all ponds hide jagged rocks.
here's to believing in myself enough to know that if i hit a rough spot, I'll heal. and so will everyone else, eventually.
there's no harm in being honest. and no harm in liking someone before you know if they are capable of liking you back. and there's certainly no reason why you can't change your mind when you have more facts.
no reason at all.
July 28, 2004
so. I tried being optimistic again. this time, it lasted for three whole days before crashing in the weirdest first date I've ever had.
I'd try to explain things, but I'd just end up transcribing bad song lyrics and gaylordian speculations on love and zen and motorcycle maintenance and boys who are too cute for their own good before confessing that the whole episode made me go right out and double plan the rest of the week so as to not have to think of the whole thing too deeply.
I suppose the only reason I brought it up at all is that I'm feeling kinda drained and pissy about spending 3 hours breaking up with a person I knew for three days.
and yet, I'm also delighted to have coined and been able to repeatedly use the nickname "Tits McGee" over the past three days.
hee. Tits McGee.
July 27, 2004
I just got a Dell.
well, I ordered one, anyway. it should be arriving next week, just in time for the weekend.
and I'll be damned if I haven't managed to over-schedule with overlapping out-of-the-house events for the next two weeks. I'm actually thankful my computer died, this time around.
I'll probably spend the weekend (the parts that i'm not modelling or watching movies or being menaced by pirates or making out or something) moving everything around in my office to accomodate the anticipated tiny little super laptop. I could get rid of the huge desk and give me more room for ...er...some other piece of unwieldy furniture...
July 23, 2004
all tangent, no circle.
reading Everything you were afraid to ask about "Donnie Darko" and realizing that one of the reasons I have the huge crush on Brandon is because he reminds me of Jake Gyllanhaal in that movie. for no apparent reason. if you've seen Donnie Darko and don't like the feeling of vagueness and confusion that it inevitably left you with, go read the article. it's illuminating. and hilarious.
speaking of crushes, I'm having these feelings of not being 'over' Jack. but I'm not quite sure what there is to be 'over' (friendship? no, we're still friends. . . proximity? no, we haven't lived in the same city since college . . .hmm, it must be time for me to call again, I suppose. hell, he'll probably have a great theory, he always does. .. ) and why I'm even thinking about him right now. probably something to do with watching his celeb double, Ron Livingston (and the sexxxy Penn Jillette) on Bravo's Celebrity Poker...
and, on that note, I really should watch less television. it's getting ridiculous, emptying 30-40 hours a week from the tivo...curse showtime and HBO and Bravo for their summer programming!
July 19, 2004
slightly less stressed out, now.
Thanks to my lovely and talented friend Jared, my computer is up and running (although it's at his house and I have to get off my darling little ass and go pick it up). the data is intact, if the power supply wasn't, and that's all that really matters. website updates, here we come!
so, I guess the laptop question is off the table until I get that second job and stuff. A shame, really, I was looking forward to having an excuse to upgrade, but, honestly, I really shouldn't sink deeper into debt right now. I'm barely treading water as it is.
confidential to that skanky-ass bitch on the blue line: being 34-28-34 isn't any less "normal" than being whatever the hell size you are. so keep your size-ist comments to yourself, at least, until us shapely gals get off the train.
July 14, 2004
things that have happened in the last two days:
- my darling brother (who is six-foot-1, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, quick-of-wit, large-of-hand-and-foot,) attempted to fix my comatose computer by swapping out the power supply (which, thanks to mister eblo we knew wouldn't blow anything up or spontaneously erase anything). the computer now can find everything but the c and d drives, which, strangely enough, are where I tend to keep all my important stuff, like programs and datafiles and everything.
- I have started shopping for a laptop computer. which I surely cannot afford, but which I cannot afford to live without. any suggestions will be noted and appreciated. particularly suggestions as to how to sanely switch from pc owner to mac owner without dying from the lack of programs.
- I have also started shopping for someone to backup all my stuff from C: to CD - this should be easier to find, shouldn't it?
- The stress from the computer stuff and the stupid relationship stuff and the moneyless stuff resulted in sleepless horribleness of abdominal angst stuff a few days ago. Emergency room visit lengthened to day-long-stay, with only two books and no tivo and thank fucking god for adorable emergency room staff who will juggle empty bedpans if you ask them. no, it's not a tumor, it may be an ulcer or kidney stones or a residual gallbladder thing from back when I had one or something...ugh. anyway, we have no idea why I'm all pained-up. they told me I'm not dying and gave me drugs and sent me home after 8 hours of the calmest and boringest emergency room experience I've ever had....at least there's the drugs.
on the plus side, my job still doesn't suck, my friends are still adorable and supportive, and all sorts of cool non-computer stuff is in the works.
- like ms. Amy's shakespeare thingy, in Zion, this august (anyone know an actress willing to drive up to Zion for the role of a lifetime? 'cause the opportunity to work with Amy is one that shouldn't be missed!)
- like the midwestern premiere of Buttleman, part of the Chicago Indiefest Film Festival. At which you'll not only be able to enjoy the best indie the midwest can offer, but also can catch a glimpse of the oh-so-elusive, ever-so-effusive, project-conducive Director/Writer, Park Ridge's Very Own Frank Stokes.
- like the completion of The Bone Woman: A Forensic Anthropologist's Search for Truth in the Mass Graves of Rwanda, Bosnia, Croatia, and Kosovo , After, and Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim...all three are sitting, half-read, on my nightstand at home....if only I had put them in my bag before leaving for the emergency room....
July 10, 2004
the universe is telling me something.
the computer in my office at home is in a coma. no, seriously - i know the data is there, the drive is okay, we've managed to turn it on once in 10 tries, but there's something that's making the durned machine not want to turn on or, once it's on, it's all wonky and unhappy about being bothered with the ones and oughts and all that boring computery stuff.
and my normal repair person (hi dad!) just happens to be at his summer home, won't be back in illinois 'til october so.....I guess I'm out of luck until then....
I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to get all the data off that dying desktop.
I'm wondering how long my brother will let me use his machine to check e-mail and do freelance web stuff.
I'm wondering how much it will cost to replace whatever needs to be replaced in my computer. or if I should just bite the bullet, get a third job, and buy a new laptop.
the only thing I'm sure of - the universe is telling me to get out of my office, get out of the house....
if I don't obey, my tivo is probably next....how does one live without tivo?
July 01, 2004
architectural boat tours *can* cheer you up. honestly.
this is the worst set of pics yet, but the skyline is dear to my heart..