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April 21, 2004
in which she probably says something inappropriate.
yesterday was my mom's birthday. and she spent it in hospital, visiting her mother, who has lung cancer. they had physician-prescribed vodka gimlets and privately mocked the other patients on the ward, which is a sign of camaraderie among the women in my family. yes, if you didn't already know this about my people, well, the gentle mocking of others (in a dry monotone, of course) is something we do.
there is really nothing to say about how my grandmother's gift to my mom was that she waited a full hour and 47 minutes after midnight before passing away. okay, perhaps I will say that if a person can, in fact, choose when to die, there is no doubt in my mind that gram actually did make that choice, to let it happen so my mother doesn't share her birthday with the anniversary of the day her mother died.
okay, there is one thing to say. "that was very nice of you, gram. thanks for that."
one thing everyone should know about funeral stuff, if you didn't already: it's totally easy and appropriate to shop around. it's not even all that time consuming - they don't want to sit and chat you up like they do with other sales-oriented service situations.
one thing everyone should know about my mom - she may be sad, and certainly misses her mom, but she still finds it in her heart to make jokes, mostly Six Feet Under oriented, and to mock other people, sotto voce, while we're waiting for various official stuff to be taken care of by various official people.
She's strong and funny as hell, that woman. strong and funny.
Posted by Heather at April 21, 2004 04:10 PM
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Comments
Sorry for your loss Heather and moved by your post. *sigh* I think the black humour is the only way to play. When my grandmother was dying she insisted there be no mourning or elaborate funerals. She just wanted everyone to eat some good food, get drunk and be in good company. So we had a very brief cremation, no service and then did exactly that. I think she would have appreciated the use of good whiskey to celebrate her life rather than beaten chests and tears. She died New Years Day at 1am, 1993. I never go a New Years without raising a glass for her.
Posted by: kartar at April 21, 2004 07:28 PM
So sorry to hear about your Grandma. Hope she passed peacefully. It's nice to see the strength from your Mom is in you as well.
Un abrazo.(a hug)
Chiken
Posted by: Multi-pass at April 21, 2004 11:24 PM
sending you a hug . . . and now I see where you get that strength through humor and gentle mocking . . . one of the reasons I love your site so much: a refusal to wallow in the emotional mire :)
Posted by: katherine at April 22, 2004 01:44 PM
gracias por los abrazos, amigos.
ya make me smile.
Posted by: heather at April 22, 2004 02:55 PM
not an inappropriate word in the lot. thinking about you.
Posted by: ray at April 22, 2004 04:43 PM
God, how uncanny is that: we were just talking about this event-to-be on Sunday.
I'm saddened by your loss, but impressed by your family's resilience (sp?) and good humor. Take care and know that there is much love from the brandonian.net corner.
Posted by: bran at April 23, 2004 11:13 AM
I'm so sorry about your loss. My mom's mom died after a long battle with emphysema on Monday. I hope your mom is doing okay. She's in my thoughts.
Posted by: Jennifer at April 23, 2004 07:58 PM
My mother passed away a few days before Christmas (the one before last), which people keep telling me is sad. I kind of think she picked it. Christmas was always her favorite time of year, the service was held while the church was still decorated for the holiday, and I will always remember when she passed.
I am always bad with dates. I miss birthdays, anniversaries, and pretty much have to be told when such things happen (in the past usually by my mother). We inurned her on Easter a year ago. I'll probably be able to remember that too. He way of reminding me.
You didn't write how you felt. Too soon?
Posted by: Christopher L. Jorgensen at April 24, 2004 03:52 PM
sorry to hear about your grampa H (snif) hope all is well and if there is anything i can do let me know
Posted by: chrisser at April 25, 2004 09:14 PM