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August 22, 2003
The Accidental Celibate
I promised my friend Japhet that I'd use this title on my blog soon, as the phrase had come up in conversation and it was just too too good to pass up. And I feel it applies today, as it's been almost a week since I've touched another human being in an intimate way and if that's not accidental celibacy, I don't know what is.
actually, I'm not sure I know if there can be such a thing as accidental celibacy - don't you have to make a conscious effort to not have sex in order for it to count as 'celibacy' rather than "just been too busy for the booty call?"
anyhoo, there it is, Japhet. much love in your direction, as always.
Other bits of info:
1) the interview seemed to go very well, from my point of view. I'd say more, but I gave them my web address so they can look at my portfolio. so, I say no more. Unless I get the job, and then I'll be all "this person said this today" and "I can't believe what so-and-so wore to the office" and then I'll get fired. suffice it to say that I like the company, the job as it's described, and the neighborhood - and the people seem cool.
2) I'm still painting at the boyz place. it's taking forever because:
I'm out of shape and need two days to recover from 4 hours of pushing a roller to and fro. I have to paint the trim, and I'm jittery, and you're supposed to wait at least 24 hours before using painter's tape on freshly painted walls. It's amazingly boring to spend the day by yourself, painting, with nothing but NPR and CDs to keep you company, even if your new boyfriend (yes, I'm thinking of him as the boyfriend now, don't tell him, okay?) gave you The Immaculate Collection to keep you company.
so, anyway. I'm bored, covered with paint with MILES of shiny trim to sand and give two coats of brilliant whiteness, and I'm thinking about exes.
you know, the ones you're happy about losing.
the ones who were so sweet, you thought you could 'beauty and the beast' into being worth their icky exteriors.
the ones who were terribly bad in bed, but just cute enough to get you there on fantasy looks alone...
the ones who started out not minding an open relationship, but once they realized that this meant both of you got to date other people, not just him, they suddenly got penis envy....
the ones who only had one book in their apartment and wasn't planning on reading any others anytime soon.
the ones who your friends and family secretly despised until they left you.
no, I'm not thinking about the select three exes I still can't stop thinking about (who all live in california, who all have special folders of photographs in my photo suitcase that I can't ever let myself open, etc...). I've focused on the amazingly crappy ex-relationships that I can't believe I let happen in the first place.
but I'm wondering if I should treat every new person in my life as if they'll eventually become people with whom I'm ashamed to have shared phone numbers.
Although I'm learning to be an optimist, I can't help but think of my present as potential past. And I wonder why there have been few exceptions to the "hate 'em when they leave" rule. Or the "devalue them as soon as you leave them, so you don't accidentally take them back" rule.
I'm still feeling like I'm the good guy when I don't slam them on my website, or make up really embarrassingly revealing nicknames for my exes.
which I still do, for every one of them, but I feel like I should get points for not sharing the last five of 'em, which I'm pretty proud of in their creative negative scope....
(giggling guiltily to myself as I scrape paint out of the crook of my elbow)
Of corpse, I'm still madly amazed at my new fella. and I've been lucky enough to have quite a few exes become friends. I'm not sure why I'm dwelling on the whole "god, why the fuck did I date that guy?" thing, except for the fact that I've spent the entire day in a paint-fume-filled room in 101 degree heat.
it must be the dehydration talking.
Posted by Heather at August 22, 2003 12:01 AM
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Comments
Thinking of present as potential past. I'd never really thought of it that way, but you're right - sometimes that's totally hard not to do.
Posted by: Glovia at August 22, 2003 10:34 AM