July 21, 2003
I like you, but...
I liked you, summer boy, I honestly did. but I have a feeling this isn't going to work, between us.
on our first date, I thought it was a fluke that when we were walking together, you managed to step on my toes eight (8) times, breaking the biggest toe's nail to the bleeding point, and, quite possibly chipping the bone. you were otherwise quite cute and funny, with your adorable accent and your silly bowling shoes...
our second date, when you managed to step on the (possibly) broken toe not once, but twice, I was understanding of your clumsiness, but un-indulgent of your attempts to cram your filthy hands into my lacy underthings. on the bus. which was crowded with evening commuters at the time. Yes, I know I'm irresistibly sexy, but there are times when this woman needs a little...er...finessing, and there are places where said finessing should take place. This was one of those times where TONS of finessing would be necessary - and you should know, the bus is never one of those places to discover if you can fit your fists into my lacy boyshorts. I feel I should thank you, however, for gracefully accepting being slapped, hard enough to leave a mark, and for keeping your hands to yourself the rest of the ride....
I wondered after my own sanity when I accepted a third date with you, but, as my foot had healed, and my jeans were sufficiently boy-proof, I agreed to join you on a looking-for-stuff-to-fix-up-your-condo 'date'. I love tile and electricals and pipe fixtures. I love carpeting and paint and window treatments - what could possibly happen if I gave you one more try?
what could happen is this: you spent the entire walk from the train to the Expo attempting to pull me into a dance, set to music only you could hear, to a beat that only a spastic monkey could keep time with. I was laughing, not because it was hysterically fun or wildly funny, but rather in an attempt to hide my fear as you dipped me - but I stopped laughing soon after you managed to bang my head against the guitar case of the nice lady walking alongside us on the way down and scraping my forehead against the rusty fencepost-thingy on the way back up.
yes, of course I was pissed. of course I cried, sponging my soon-to-be-scabby skin with a moist towelette and hoping the guitar was better off than my head, as my throbbing skull-knot was concussion-worthy.
Pick out your fucking "condotrements" alone, you walking disaster area. I'm going to the hospital to see if I have a concussion. and see if that toe needs re-setting.
expect the bill in the mail.
and, next time we go out, I'm bringing a bodyguard.
a cute one.
Posted by Heather at July 21, 2003 09:05 PM
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The NEXT time? I would think three would be enough punishment...
Posted by: Andrew at July 22, 2003 04:23 PM
no, you're right. I'm totally not asking him out again. totally.
and, in case you were worried, I have escaped without a concussion, I just had a tetanus shot(no lockjaw for me!), and the x-ray for the toe thingy would have been too expensive for my broke-ass self....
Posted by: heather at July 22, 2003 04:31 PM
Nicely written Heather. And, really now, side-splittingly funny. I hope you have recovered.
I urge you not to let this incident get you down too much. For, you see, I happen to be madly in love with a beautiful vixen who claims to be accompanied by her own personal doom radius. And you know? You really do get used to it after a while. Sometimes you can even see it coming. You inherently learn when to just step back a bit. Duck. Jump. Grab a shred of clothing or a limb for the catching-of-the-falling-down. Although, I like the idea of the bodyguard. I will keep that in mind. "Lucy, I'm home."
And, as for grabbing underthings on the train.... well, I am certainly not one to talk about innappropriate public displays of affection. No Ma'am, I am not. But the slap - beautiful.
Mostly, though, I commend you on writing an 'ending'. After the feedback from your previous post, I did not expect to see such a thing. Good for you! Keep it up.
Posted by: Jake at July 22, 2003 06:54 PM
Sorry about the double trackback. That's the first time auto-discovery worked - the time I actually remembered to manually ping an entry as well. Geh, too much babble, need more sleep.
Just wanted to say 'oops' as well as throw a nod in to your cool post. Two cool posts in a row, actually. So, *nods*
. . . off to sleep.
Posted by: Oblivion at July 22, 2003 11:05 PM
thanks for noticing. it's hard to write endings - I'm glad you liked this one.
as for your beautiful vixen with the personal doom radius - you should have been there when I accidentally stood upright in her unfinished attic space...pointy exposed nails not even an inch from my eyeball...
it happens all the time. I'll delete the second trackback from here...and in case you were wondering, I save often when I'm composing in MT, or I'll build the post in homesite and plug it into MT later...all because of that very problem , building a post and having netscape conk out before I do....
Posted by: heather at July 23, 2003 01:29 PM
Sounds like you need a body guard when going out with this guy. Some things you just can't force - good call.
Totally funny story.
Posted by: Glovia at July 28, 2003 07:17 AM