« May 2003 | Main | July 2003 »
June 30, 2003
I forgot my toothbrush.
I know you're wondering why I never sleep over.
yes, we always have a good time together. yes, I like your roommate. I did wear my glasses and neither of us has to go to work tomorrow, but...
I just can't sleep over tonight, love.
it might just be because you snore.
or perhaps you talk in your sleep.
perhaps you're the one who starts out the night in the middle of the bed, spooning, your cool chest against my back and your arm under my pillow....but by mid-morning you're on the other side of the bed, curled in the fetal position and snuffling like a boy who's lost his momma.
maybe you do that dance thing with your legs in the moment before your dreaming mind disconnects from your dreamy body...the dance thing that sorely embarrasses you (and everyone else who thinks it only happens to them) such that you deny causing the bruises on my calves.
Maybe I secretly hate you.
maybe I hate how sleeping over can't just mean "I'm too tired to drive/take the train/walk home' or 'your bed is so comfy' or 'there's a really cool brunch place two blocks from here' or 'I'm not done with your skin yet.'
Maybe I don't like how sleeping over is supposed to mean 'I love you' or 'marry me' or 'my wife has been gone for so long, and I can't sleep without a girl'
Maybe I hate waking up in a strange room.
Maybe I just like sleeping in my own bed, pillows tucked under the duvet to fill the spaces where my cats used to sleep.
Maybe my coach turns into a pumpkin at midnight.
Maybe I secretly love you.
Maybe it's cause I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to you slamming into me, unannounced, calling your sister's name.
Maybe it's because I never recovered from when your dog puked on my pillow.
Maybe it's because I get seasick in boats.
Maybe it's because you moan like a ghost from Scooby Doo.
Maybe it's because it's thursday, and everyone (except you, apparently) knows that thursdays I'm the creamy filling in the alan cumming/penn jillette sandwich.
but I promise, when I'm ready to sleep over, I'll let you know. I'll bring a toothbrush. I'll bring my ear plugs and sleep mask. I'll take you to brunch in the morning and I might even let you call me by your sister's name.
maybe.
Posted by Heather at 01:28 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
June 26, 2003
it's all about the links and the words, today.
Word of the day: waff: strayed, and not as yet claimed. Solitary; used as an expressive of the awkward situation of one who is in a strange place where he has not a single acquaintance . . . {whence} waffie, a worthless person, one addicted to idleness, and to low or immoral company.
and, in the spirit of linkity goodness, I present to you: the world premiere of BUTTLEMAN! yes, that's right, yet another talented soul hailing from maine township...Hilary Clinton, Harrison Ford, John Pankow...they got nothin' on this guy!
Posted by Heather at 11:45 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 23, 2003
Barbecue and the Martial Arts.
After a perfectly lovely cocktail hour with friends at the frottage-heavy Matchbox, we staggered over to Bone Daddy for what we hoped would be an interesting evening of brisket and a movie.
oh my, were we wrong.
This past Thursday night at the Bone Daddy showcased "Exposure" = a special blend of Music, Motorcycle Videos, and Martial Arts Demonstrations. no. seriously.
As we noshed on barbecue brisket (succulent, sweet, delish!) and considered the suckling pig (difficult to resist a good suckling, now and again), we were subjected to deafening dance mixes (the DJ wore his yellow and black motorcycle jacket the entire time we were there - I was waiting for him to put on the matching helmet, which was propped proudly on top of one of the speakers).
If that weren't enough, we were treated to martial arts demonstrations - consisting of mullet-wearing fortysomethings from the burbs slowly unsheathing and brandishing swords, then re-sheathing and bowing to invisible assailants. . . I must admit, I think this would have been more impressive if we weren't also watching videos of various state motorcycle 'crues' (umlaut implied) burn rubber on the screen behind them.
and more impressive still if they didn't have mullets.
but I suppose that's expecting too much from a barbecue joint.
thank god for having a date who can appreciate the absurdity of it all and yet still be mortified (rather than perversely pleased) when I threaten to ask the DJ to join us for dessert...
and to run home with me in the freezing cold of the chicago summer, squealing right with me the whole time. yip!
Posted by Heather at 12:12 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
June 21, 2003
The cure for all that ails you.
I'm sitting here, in the summer breeze, strawberry-grapefruit-rum-freeze near one hand, a few freshly-cut, fragrant roses perfuming my office. watching the trees sway and wondering why I didn't think of this before.
the cure for all that ailed me last summer.
quick recap of last summer, for those who weren't reading between the lines:
worst breakup ever.
weirdest circumstances to lose a friend to date.
dreading the end of my contract at work.
weight-loss-inducing heat wave.
if only I knew then what I knew now: the cure for a broken heart. or at least, the balm. . .
the tall, bony-slender, brilliant, beautiful, boys of the city.
I suppose I tried this a bit last summer, to a limited degree...got a few good friends out of the deal, despite what people tell me about how you can't make friends of former lovers....
but this summer, I'm immersing in the joys of boys, boys, boys.
no crying.
no sulking.
no moving house.
no migraines.
no vegetarian communes.
no losing so much weight your clothes hang off bones.
just happy, perky, non-stop playing.
with a bit of reading and travel thrown in.
and if that doesn't pan out as i like, I can always see if jack was serious about that job in LA he was bantering about. as I recall, he had an amazingly comfortable...er...couch...despite the fact of it being in shudder california...
but for now, boys. boy oh boy.
Posted by Heather at 03:06 PM | TrackBack
June 18, 2003
so many reasons to love her...
if I didn't already love Norah Jones for her voice, and for her funny-face-making handsome gentlemen band, I'd love her for this.
Posted by Heather at 03:03 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
June 15, 2003
Dork County Father's Day Lessons
things I learned in door county this father's day weekend:
- with the correct accesssories, lucite platform slides apparently match everything, especially a striped miniskirt and tube top combo.
- sailors are just as deliciously catty as I am, making a room full of cheese-and-beer-addicted tank-top wearing bar flies a quip-a-minute laughfest, rather than a tortured two hours of biting my own tongue....
- the trip up to the country home with my siblings will always be an enriching, entertaining, and educational experience. the trip home will always be a trial. an exercise in staying awake at best, a fight with the slightly-hung-over-person-with-her-finger-hovering-over-the-window-release-button at worst.
- no matter what verizon tells you, your cell phone will not work at the times it's supposed to work and will always cut out when you are receiving directions en route to the well-hidden house....and will keep you from receiving the adorable text and voice messages your friends have sent all weekend. fucking cell phone companies. . . fucking 'call radius"...
- my great grandfather invented the mercoid switch, my great uncle was the 'pilot' on the first manned flight west of the mississippi, and my grandmother's last words to my brother were "I always loved you most of all, Rex."
believe it or not, I'm glad I went. I'm pretty sure I'll go again, if only to get jocelyn's famed day tour of "the peninsula interior'...
Posted by Heather at 03:58 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 12, 2003
magazines, television, and more words
reading absenter's entry on magazines immediately before reading the tribune in the morning made today all about magazines.
with which I'm obsessed.
I don't really want to know how much I have spent on magazines in my lifetime:
Nest
Dwell
ReadyMade
Entertainment Weekly
Real Simple
Bookmarks
and a host of embarrassing special interest mags that I'd really rather not discuss...(including the newish Budget Living and the oldish Cricket Magazine )
oh my, there was a point to that list, but now I seem to have forgotten what it was. perhaps i just wanted to practice title tags and see if anyone out there has any favorites they'd like to share?
random tidbit for anyone who watches cable television and has any sense whatsoever (from what i hear, this is a small group of people, and I am their king). Introduction to Bollywood Cinema will be on TCM....how could you resist Rangeela, Dil Chahta Hai, and Sholay? seriously!
and a word, for your trouble:
fluffing: fluff [is] railway ticket clerks' slang for short change given by them. The profit thus accrued are called fluffings, and the practice is known as fluffing. this said, a fluffer is an operator of the short-change swindle.
Posted by Heather at 12:57 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 11, 2003
Going to the zoo on a sunny city day...
Went to the zoo on saturday - I think this was the first warm, sunny weekend day since forever, so everyone and their brother was there.
Including the lovely and talented Jocelyn, who brought her brother, her lover, her daughter, and her son (so her daughter brought her brother - see, everyone and their brother was there!).
I forgot that the zoo is more than freak-watching with animals. did you know that kids learn about animals and evolution and animal interaction at the zoo? they have educational placards and everything - how had I forgotten this part of zoo-going? I'm seriously so used to going, making fun of the freaks in lace-up spandex trousers, pierced bellybuttons proudly crowning their enormous guts, then looking at the animals and feeling sad for their obviously boring lives, I overlooked the learning part of the experience. typical.
Lessons learned at the zoo: lace up spandex trousers are a privilege, not a right. If your belly (spine to navel) is wider than your head, your rights to said trousers can and should be provoked.
I finally got my camera to work again - hopefully, you'll forgive the grainy nature of the handspring lens:
we saw penn jillette by the warthogs |
 |
the lovely and talented jocelyn and jake observe the Penn in his natural habitat |
 |
over-excited by the Penn appearance, Heather tries to calm down by focusing her energy into an unnatural fascination with the polar bears |
 |
 |
 |
and, last, but not least, we saw a pony. |
 |
Posted by Heather at 01:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 05, 2003
yet another word.
not feeling wordy today.
feeling reflective.
feeling like drinking an entire bottle of the parents' fine, fine two-buck chuck - the cabernet, thanks for asking.
but I feel you should have something from me today - something interesting.
1) word of the day: glincy: Smooth, slippery, applied only to ice.
2) a glincy photograph, from the ice-queen herself:
there's something about being photographed at 9 in the morning, all makeupless and unshowered, exhausted and slightly hung over, penis t-shirt on display and trembling in horror at the threat of banana pancakes that would make any gal smile.
okay, the peripherals are unimportant. I'm just jazzed that I look that great without trying, and that someone wanted to take pictures of me.
okay, I gotta say, when I'm feeling down and stuff, seeing a good photograph of me just cheers me the fuck up. vanity has to be good for something, doesn't it?
vanity, and the pleasure of a new friend with prodigious talents.
yes, I think that song is about me.
don't you?
speaking of penises, the top search term for this site, averaging a total of 10 searches per day, is penis. seriously. people are coming here *just* for the penis talk.
honestly. it's not like there's any more to say on that subject, is there?
Posted by Heather at 08:40 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
June 02, 2003
A lil' somthing for the Scrabble players out there...
Word of the day:
quidnunc: One who is curious to know everything: one who is perpetually asking "What now? What news?" One who knows, or affects to know, every occurrence. originally, a translation from the Latin of the words that signify "what now?"
Love those words, don'tcha know?
you may have noticed I have a love for making up words, too...I dreamt that I was trying to describe an italianate, multi-leveled courtyard area in Park Ridge as 'Paduaonic' to a police dispatcher (long story) and being corrected by said dispatcher.
"If that were even a word, it would be "Veronic", as Romeo fled to Padua from Verona, so the balcony scene would have clearly taken place in Verona, not Padua...unless you're describing some desolate, depression-inducing courtyard of exile, in which case we don't have those in Park Ridge - you must be in Niles"
Which means I'm dreaming about making up words and correcting myself on said words in my dreams. someone stop me before I start composing lyrics or something.
on an entirely different subject:
I've been chatting with friends, lately, about other friends. it's weird, there was a time in my life when my friends didn't know my other friends. my family hadn't even heard of my friends, let alone had met them to talk about them, and now my sister is asking me "is that (insert website name here) Buttercup, or (insert embarrassing relationship gaffe here) Buttercup?"
It's funny, how a life can change in a year. I remember when I used to have to say "a friend of mine" whenever I talked about people - and it was just to relate a story to another friend, it wasn't like "you know how so-and-so does this-particular-thing? why do they do that?" .... who knew I would love this cross-pollination so much? I wonder if I'll love it as much if things go weird with so-and-so or bad with such-and such? will I still get to talk about the thingamagoochy with the whatchamacallit, or will I have to wait until the whoosamaquatchy becomes a quidnunc again?
yeah, I'm having a goofy-in-the-head day. who wants to know?
Posted by Heather at 06:25 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack