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May 05, 2003
Bachelorette Party, Number 2
I swear, all this penis pageantry is so....so....strange.
My sister is getting married to a lovely fella she's known and dated for 10 years.
I'm wondering, "why the penis paraphernalia?" it's not like she'll never see one again....
we had penis-shaped cookies. penis-shaped cake. penis-shaped streamer decorations. penises on the veil she wore all night.
while i'm talking about the veil, y'all should know that chicago men, between the hours of 11 pm and 3 am, will do just about anything you ask, if you are wearing a veil adorned with penises and tell them it's your bachelorette party. I swear, the only thing we didn't get in our store-bought 'bachelorette party scavenger hunt' {read: a list of 'to-do' items that included: asking for a condom and blowing it up; kissing 15 men in 2 minutes, leaving visible lipstick marks; persuading the most attractive man in the room to buy you and your friends a drink...and so on...} I say, the only thing we didn't get was 15 kisses in 2 minutes, 'cause we didn't want her to have to smooch anyone she didn't want to smooch.
but seriously. so many free drinks, for a lady who is off the market. and, for the record, the lady is a super fabulous sport, letting us 'make' her do all that in the name of matron-hood, and she can manage to make a veil with veiny penises on it look chic. seriously. she didn't look tacky at all, and I tried my damndest.
back to the penis question: of course, I could have refused to buy the stuff. but her friends were so gung-ho in the planning stage, how could I disappoint? otherwise, the theme would have been....what? "my sister had a bachelorette party and all she got was this enormous pile of expensive lingerie and sex toys?"
hmm...not a bad theme, at that....
(I promise, this is my final penis post for the month. we now return to our regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.)
Posted by Heather at May 5, 2003 02:49 AM
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Comments
My theory on why this has become a cherished tradition? It's the only socially acceptable way that the bridesmaids can get even with the bride for the nasty-ass dresses that she's making them wear in front of God, man and the cameras.
Ever wonder how many of those girls just don a penis-adorned veil and grab a few girlfriends for the sheer heck of it? Just to see what bizarre things they can talk men into doing for them. Hmmm...
Posted by: Babz at May 5, 2003 05:19 AM
You forgot to mention the penis-shaped gum! How could you pass up an opportunity to say "penis" again?
Posted by: sourbob at May 5, 2003 05:03 PM
i vote that you sing the napolean's penis song or at least provide the complete lyrics on your page.
Posted by: alicia at May 7, 2003 03:45 PM
At least you saved yourself the embarrassment of having to drink from the Dicky Sipper or the Boner Bottle. At a recent bachelorette party I attended, this was our only option. Not that I have an aversion to drinking Cadillac Margaritas from a giant penis, I just wish I didn't look like I was sipping from a prolapsed urethra or a foley catheter. And when we discovered the delicious way the tequila pooled in the ball sac reservoir, well, that's a story for another time.
We got to take our bottles home. Some of us more than others.
Posted by: Anna at May 10, 2003 07:04 AM